When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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