Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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