i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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