it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
