sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Naked. naked and bneed help.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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