I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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