i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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