is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
