I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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