i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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