I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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