Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize