so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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