you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
