i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
