She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize