Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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