It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
