in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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