pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
