Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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