I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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