Pappa wants mamma naked
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
love makes seman taste better
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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