apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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