i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
