shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
