they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
