Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
