mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
