I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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