Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
