bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
