now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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