i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
