who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
