The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My balls are so social today.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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