We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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