Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
