I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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