your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My feet surprised me
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