I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize