The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
