Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
