the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
