ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
