I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My bed smells like the plague
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
