I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
