YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
