When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
