He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
