Sry I called you an 8
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
