dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
