So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
