Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
