i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just pee around me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
