Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
