idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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