Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
God I need to hump something, right now.
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