just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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