He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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