get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize