Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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