Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You can't just leave with hair like that
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
