i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
