I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
