At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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