i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
