So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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