Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He better not be in your backpack
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
