I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
